Teresia's Blog

“When I dare to be powerful- to use my strength in the service of my vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid”

~ Audre Lourde

In reflection of the last two weeks since Kenny was born, I am in awe of the journey I have been on since my water broke on June 30^th.  The experience of giving birth and the first  weeks of being the main caretaker of a newborn has been both overwhelming and one of the most transforming times of my life.  As many of you know becoming a mom has been a long and not so easy journey, and it did not stop at birth.  I will not bore you with all the details but after 17 hrs of labour I had to have a C-section (I hate when that happens). We were so close but yet so far.  I have always had a fear of giving birth.  I remember in my “tween” years finding out how baby’s entered the world and remember thinking I will never do that!  Hmm perhaps that was part of the block of getting pregnant.

When we were in the depth of fertility treatments 3 years ago, one of my best friends died 8 months after giving birth to beautiful twin girls.  Her death was not directly related to her giving birth, but on some level I had the two associated.  With all that said, labour was not so bad.  What made the experience manageable and tolerable were these 3 keys factors.

1. Keeping my focus on the ultimate vision: holding my baby in my arms and being a family.

2. Being in the moment: Taking one step at a time, dealing with each obstacle one by one. “One of my main mantra’s was “I know I can handle one contraction at a time.”

3. Having an amazing support team: Having my mother, Brian, my midwife and the outstanding support of the nurses and doctors at  BC womens hospital made a world of difference.

As we experience any life passage, the above keys can provide a solid foundation to help us to the best of our ability, gracefully navigate our way through.

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“Stress is not caused by your busy life or challenging circumstances, it’s simply the result of an imbalance between silence and activity.” ~Jerry Thomas facilitator of silent retreats

We all need time to unplug from our daily activities and plug into the wealth of abundance that silence and retreats can bring to our life.

Is this the time for you to give yourself the gift of extreme self care?

Do you live in the Vancouver area?

On April 29th there is an opportunity for you to be part of an intimate Weekend Retreat designed specifically for women. Unplug from your busy schedule, reconnect, rejuvenate and re-energize yourself

This designated weekend is interspersed with silence by the sea, meditation or contemplation and journaling. Take time just for you while sharing meals with like-minded women. This intimate, personal gathering is available for 12 women only. It is facilitated by Claudette Bouchard, a friend, a mentor and a women who has held the space for me and many other women to step fully into living a life of more love and peace. Claudette’s presence in itself is a vessel to have us reconnect with our inner wisdom and spirituality.

To reserve your spot or further information contact Claudette directly at 604-913-3959 or clodet@telus.net

Claudette Bouchard is a speaker, author of her recent book, “Energy Is Real” , mentor to the young and a Life Energy Coach. She has 25 years experience as an energy consultant with clients throughout Asia, Europe and North America. Throughout these years she has facilitated numerous women’s groups focusing on “connection to self”

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Take a minute to sit back and search your mind for a woman you admire. It could be a friend or relative, a teacher or mentor, even a stranger or someone from the distant past.  Ask yourself: What makes her so admirable, so inspiring to me?  What are some of her qualities and natural behaviors that I find attractive?

Most of the people we admire hold themselves to high standards. Personal standards refer to the behavior and actions that you hold yourself to – how you choose to ’show up’ in life. For example, we have standards around our finances (’I always pay my bills on time’), the way we relate to each other (manners, physical space, etc.), and just about everything else.

The important thing to remember is that each person determines their own standards. You can adjust yours in a way that makes life really click.

Here’s a good rule of thumb to remember: the higher your standards, the better your life. They’re a shortcut to an easier, more focused, less-hassled life.

When a person keeps high standards, they feel very good about themselves and others. They naturally attract high-quality people and avoid people and situations that cause problems.

When a person’s standards are too low, their self esteem and sense of worth sinks. They are emotionally drained. People walk all over them. They waste their time and energy. They end up tolerating a lot in their life!

Here’s the bottom line: It’s time to look at the standards you’ve set for your life, and where to make adjustments. This one process can easily and dramatically improve your quality of life and the results you create.

Ready to get started?

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I don’t know about you but I have been inspired by the 2010 Olympics.  It doesn’t hurt that I live in the city that hosted them; Canada had a story book finish with Canada winning hockey gold and scoring Olympic record of 14 gold medals.

To top it all off I was at the closing ceremonies. It also brings back many great memories of my competitive years as a figure skater. But it goes deeper then that. The Olympics uncover some key factors that are important for success in any area of our life. 

On a social level the Olympics highlights the power of “we”.

Nelson Mandela once said “politics divides, sports unite”.  Sports encourage leadership, the development of social skills, learning how to manage a stressful situation; most importantly teaching that personal sacrifices in service of the group often brings greater rewards than simple self interest.  Whether you are involved in a sport personally, or an outside supporter, there is an experience of “we” that is available to all of us. As an entrepreneur, an individual committed to living their best life, there is an experience of we that is available to all of us.

I have heard from many who have watched the athletes step up to their long desired dream of competing in the Olympics, that it has brought tears to their eyes. We are reminded of what is possible in our own life. The Olympics remind us of the rewards of courage, self-discipline and belief in oneself.

I know any success that I have experienced in my life and my clients have experienced in theirs, that these qualities were present. They are worth exploring further.

Courage: I once heard courage is feeling the fear and doing it anyways – how true!
Courage is needed when you have a sense of what you hope to achieve but there is no guarantee – in other words there is a level of risk involved. Acting in spite of the risk often brings up less than uncomfortable feelings, feelings such as fear, self doubt, uncertainty, and discomfort. So what drives one to act in spite of the feelings? Simply put—values. When you have a strong belief about the right thing to do, or what is important to you, you’re often compelled to act. At the end of the day the question is: are you letting your fear guide you or your desire to act on what is most important to you?

Living a life where you are consistently stretching out of your comfort zone and accessing your inner courage, not only builds self esteem but is the path of living our best life.

Self-discipline:
Most people don’t associate discipline with happiness, but did you know the most joy you’ll ever know comes from areas where you are self-disciplined? People who have significant and successful careers can often point back to a time that required much effort and self-discipline. They often say it was worth every ounce of effort. Becoming self-disciplined is never easy in the beginning, but once you overcome a barrier and make a decision to become disciplined, it gets easier. I often tell my clients self discipline is doing the things you don’t necessarily want to do, but you know by doing them, they will help you get the results you want. I support my clients in designing their life around doing what they love and what they are good at – when we do this the amount of self discipline is minimal AND to really live a life we love there will always be areas where we need to embrace the act of self-discipline. Simple put self-discipline is about the ability to reject immediate satisfaction, in order to gain something better, but requires effort and time. Decide today where in your life you would benefit greatly if you were to become more self-disciplined. Where do you want more or better results? Start today by saying “no” to immediate satisfaction and start implementing that extra effort to create more of what you really want in your life.

Belief in oneself:
We have all heard it at one time in our lives “you have to believe in yourself.” Believing in oneself is one of the first steps to success. If you don’t have confidence in yourself, it will be difficult to succeed in anything. Every day all of us face challenges, some small, small big, it is how we respond to it them that makes the difference. Whatever your goal or dream, hold onto the vision, and take one step at a time. When you feel the fear and act anyway (courage), and make self-discipline a part of your life, this builds the muscle of belief in yourself.

My question to you: have you set your life up in a way that daily you are accessing your inner courage? Are you living a life that requires self-discipline and faith in oneself daily?

Success and a fulfilling life require the attitude and commitment of an athlete.

What area in your life is it time to go for gold?

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“Man is what he believes.” – Anton Chekhov

 Ask yourself what do you really want in your life? Are you achieving it? If not, there is a good chance that there is a limiting belief  in your subconscious that is holding you back.

Beliefs are feelings of certainty and there are two kinds of beliefs, limiting and empowering. Limiting beliefs are feelings that hold us back from creating the results we want in our life. Empowering beliefs are feelings that support us in moving forward to create the results we want in our life. Many times our beliefs are unconscious. When we become conscious of them, especially our limiting beliefs, that is when change begins to happen.

For example: I have a very successful client whose priority at this time is to share his life and success with a life partner.

Challenge: the women he decides he would like to be with, are unavailable in some way, either they are just ending a relationship, are in a committed relationship or are simply not emotionally available for various reasons.  After much soul searching, and allowing me to ask him the tough questions, he discovered there is an underlying belief that he is not desirable. With this belief he will continue to create experiences in his life to support his belief.  On an unconscious level, he gets to say, “See I am right I am not desirable”.  

Most times we are not always aware of the beliefs that drive us, having the courage to dig deep and become aware is a huge first step. With his new found awareness of his limiting belief he is able to make conscious choices that will create new references that will help him attract what he really wants in his life.

 Think of beliefs like a table. A belief is a feeling of certainty – like the top of a table. We have the legs (references) to support that belief. Once we have awareness of our limiting beliefs we can then come up with a new belief, an empowering belief – one that will support us in creating what we want.

Take my clients limiting belief
 ”I am not desirable”

The opposite of that belief could be
 “I have a lot to offer a partner and deserve the reciprocity of love”

 When we first come up with an empowering belief, we may own it intellectually but not truly on an emotional level. We must then act on the new belief and create references so that it becomes a part of who we are. The power of a belief is that we own it on an emotional level, that it becomes the table top – a feeling of certainty.

Again look at what you want in your life. If you don’t have it, start digging.   What is the limiting belief holding you back?  

Remember awareness is not only the first step, but a big one!

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The Shadows know what evil lurks in all people: when people pretend to be better then they really are, they are likely to suddenly explode with rage after a trivial slight or act out in other ways.

This was the title of an article (on the formerly “squeaky – clean” Tiger Woods) in the Vancouver Sun on January 23rd, 2010. It states “Psychologically speaking, the Shadow is the part of our personality that we repress for the sake of maintaining our ideal of our self. And it is often the people who try most diligently to appear guiltless who have the nastiest shadows.”

In 2006, I attended Debbie Ford’s workshop “The Dark Side of the Light Chasers” and it changed my life. It was the beginning of not only continuing to embrace my strengths but to become aware and accept the parts of me that I was not so proud of and for many years had denied.

For most of my life, as well as the lives of many of my clients, the goal of perfection; striving to consistently live in a state of happiness and balance, dominates and controls our lives, a pursuit that proves unrealistic.

Striving to become better then we are and maintaining this image of perfection, can only lead to moments of stress, resentment, frustration, anger and extreme overt behaviour that not only harms our well being and happiness but has a huge negative impact on those we love.

Becoming aware of your shadow side, embracing it and learning how to manage it, is the path to inner fulfilment and self acceptance.

Here are some steps you can take to start uncovering your shadow side:

• Notice where you are reacting in your life.
• Where do you judge and blame others?
• Where do you not take full responsibility of what is not working in your life?

These are all clues of your shadow side.

Face it – we all have a shadow side, what we do with it impacts the quality of our life!

Check out Debbie Ford’s book -

The Dark Side of the Light Chasers: Reclaiming Your Power, Creativity, Brilliance, and Dreams

 and also visit her website to learn more about the work she does at http://debbieford.com.

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“Don’t let the perfect be the enemy of the good.”

I have the great opportunity to work with extremely accomplished individuals. Many of them hire me to help them create more balance and inner fulfillment in their life.

A common struggle that tends to creep up is the “All or nothing attitude”.

Now don’t get me wrong, this behaviour can serve in many ways – you tend to achieve more in life, you end up highly skilled in variety of areas, you are able to focus on one thing and go for it, you have high expectations of yourself and therefore, not only accomplish great things but accomplish great things at an extraordinary level.

But at the end of the day, the All or Nothing thinking says, “You either do this perfectly, or you don’t even bother.” Whew what pressure! It can be one of the biggest blocks to making positive changes in your life and most importantly it doesn’t always bring out your best traits or a great quality of life. With this attitude you tend to be a bit highly strung; it is difficult to kick back and relax; you find it difficult to just do things for fun without wanting to achieve excellence;  it adds grittiness to one’s character (which isn’t always pleasant); you are hard on yourself , and there is a feeling that nothing is ever good enough.

Take making a lifestyle change for an example you may have experienced a version of this internal dialogue: You decide Monday is the best day to start a new lifestyle change but when the next Monday falls at the end of the month, your all or nothing attitude convinces you that you may as well wait until the 1st of the next month! Ok a bit of an extreme example but I am sure some of you can relate.

All or nothing thinking leads you to believe if you are not going to do it %100 then don’t do it at all. It says nothing counts unless you’re doing it “all the way”. Nothing is further from the truth in living a healthy fulfilling lifestyle. Every thing counts. And it’s the small stuff, day after day, that will make the biggest difference. Do you have a tendency to have the all or nothing attitude? Here is the key: when the mind is in All or Nothing mode, it sees the world in black and white. In order to modify this mindset, and allow ourselves to integrate balance and daily wins we need to train ourselves to focus on the in between shades. Throw out your “all or nothing” attitude and learn to adjust mid-course, cut your losses and move on. At the end of the day the losses are less then the attitude of if I can’t do it perfectly I am not going to do it at all.

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Welcome to 2010. I trust you had a relaxing, fulfilling holiday season. 

I love the holiday season (ok any holiday), as I have a chance to really indulge in two of my favourite things: 

Firstly, spending a lot of time with people who are close to me. This year, we split our holiday time between being with family and friends in Vancouver and venturing to the Okanagan for New Year’s to spend time with extended family. The Okanagan was an extra treat, as you will see in the picture they get snow, something we rarely see here in Vancouver, B.C. Being raised out East, it just seems wrong not to have snow during the festive season. 

Secondly, letting go of any ‘to-do’ list and snuggling in bed with a fluffy comforter and reading a good book. Every year I buy books for my clients as a “Happy New Year” gift. I take time and go to my local book store and spend hours looking at books and waiting for the perfect book to jump out at me for each client.  Many times I leave with a handful of books for me! 

I love when I come across a book that grabs my attention and I complete it in one sitting. Sometimes the main message is perfect with where I am in my life, or the story is so engaging that I cannot put it down. This holiday, I hit the jack pot and started reading three books that I could not put down.  Each one touched me in a special way and I thought I would share some highlights with you. 

Me to We – turning self help on its head. (Love the title!) by Craig Kielburger and Marc Kielberger.  Two young bucks that started a movement called Me to We and have contributed more in their early twenties then most of us will in a lifetime. I actually bought this book for a client and ended up getting a copy for myself. I was especially inspired about this topic at this time in my life, as I will be launching a new coaching program with a colleague this year called Triple M Mastermind: Mind, Money and Life of Meaning.  I will be blogging about Life of Meaning and the message in this book in future but for now, here is the bottom line message - want to be happy? Be of service. Simple but powerful. 

Cult, a love story: Ten years Inside a Canadian Cult and the Subsequent Long Road of Recovery, by Alexandra Amor. Alexandra is a good friend of mine and member of our past Author Circle (our Author Circle was a group of women that came together monthly to support each other in our writing aspirations, but as you may well know when a group of women get together so much more happens – future blog topics ). With every page I read, I was in awe with Alexandra’s experience of being in a cult, her authenticity and vulnerability kept me wanting to learn more. If you have been involved with a cult or not, you will experience a chance to heal and gain more insight on the dynamics of manipulation and control.  Thank you Alexandra for sharing more of you and a message that will touch many. You can find out more about Alexandra’s story or purchase her book at http://cultalovestory.com. 

The Art of Extreme Self Care, by Cheryl Richardson. Cheryl Richardson has been a mentor from a far, since I decided to become a coach. Self care is some of the foundational principals I share with my clients. Cheryl always brings a new perspective and insight to the importance and benefits of the practice of self care. This book will give you a tune up on how to ensure you are looking after yourself when committed to helping others. 

I would love to hear from you on what some of your favourite books were that you read in 2009? How did they make a difference for you? 

Wishing you all the success and joy your heart desires this year! Be sure to read my future blogs on how to make 2010 your best year yet!

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