Teresia's Blog

“Values are you; wants are what you enjoy having. Values fulfill you; wants provide gratification”

~ Thomas Leonard, my late mentor and pioneer of the coaching profession

I love this time of year because I get to share my thoughts on one of my favourite topics of conversations – living a life you love! For most people, January is a month we think about goal setting or new resolutions. Luckily, in these times, we have the great fortune of stepping beyond living a life that meets our basic needs to living a life of extraordinary satisfaction and fulfillment – if we dare to. The resources, opportunities and access to a life coach give no room for excuses to live in the place of “life sucks”.

One of the most important things about life is to know what is most important to you.

When I first became a coach 14 years ago, I was all about goal setting. I would share with my clients “Goal setting is the key to creating what you want in your life; you must be clear of your goals and write them down”. Through my personal journey of consciously creating a life I love and supporting thousands of individuals to do the same, I have discovered that yes, goal setting is important, BUT fruitless unless those goals are set on a foundation of your true values.

To live a life you love and achieve what your heart desires you must first be clear on your values. Let me explain what I mean by that:

Values are the things you do that you find very attractive, an emotional state that you feel is very important. When engaged in these activities you feel most like yourself: in touch with whom you are, glowing, and life is effortless. Values are the essence of who you are.

While we like these things, most of us lead lives, which do not grant us the chance to just do these things. Most people set goals based on ‘have to’, ‘should’ and ‘needs’ and are generally too busy with “responsibilities” or incompletions to pursue the life they truly desire.

Your values are the intangible aspects of life that make you feel in alignment, complete, on track, and functioning at a high level. Examples include adventure, fun, service, creativity, connection, and hundreds more. A life that aligns with one’s core values will feel satisfying, even in difficult times.

When one of my best friends passed away (just after she got married and gave birth to beautiful twins girls), I felt deep sadness and very much immersed in my grief. The loss of what I experienced as a “soulful” friend and the thought of those precious little girls not being raised by their mom was to say the least, very overwhelming.

A few months later I recall sharing with my mastermind team and being in total awe and curiosity around how can I feel this deep sadness but still access feelings of happiness? In the past when I experienced difficult times the negative feelings would dominate my life.

This realization of my new way of being became part of my self analysis for many weeks. I would ask myself how can I be tearful daily, experience this immense grief and still feel a sense of peace and contentment? Perhaps it is that I have a strong spiritual belief system, maybe because I have cultivated supportive relationships in my life? Yes, these were all true but what I realized was at the core, the glue of my satisfaction and contentment was that I have created a life that was aligned with what was most important to me: my values. (Spirituality and strong supportive authentic connections are a couple examples of my values). Living a life that was deeply fulfilling was a huge part in my ability to still function and find the strength in myself to be able to step out of myself and be there for the dad and the twins in the best way I knew how. My personal foundation of a life aligned with my values allowed me to access my inner strength and receive and give the support during this trying time.

When we live a life aligned with our values there are many gifts to be experienced:

• our cup is full and we have so much more to give others

• we live our life from a place of “attraction” vs. force. We begin to attract like minded individuals and opportunities in our life

• we do not spend as much time on making decisions – when you are clear of your values it is easy to decide the next best step

• we create results in our life with less effort

• we live from a place of joy and gratitude

• when challenges come our way – we can still be happy. (Have you ever met someone who just got fired from their job, going through a divorce, or experiencing a health challenge and they still exude joy. Now that is living a successful life.)

When we consciously design our life aligned with our values, life gets immeasurably richer – and easier.

OK, have I enrolled you in living a life aligned with your values? So how do we do that? First you have to get clear on what your values are. Gaining clarity of your values and designing your life around them is a process.

It does not happen over night. I first heard about the concept of values in 1995 when I had my first stint with the Anthony Robbins group and even though I was eager to live life at this new level of passion of fulfillment, it took me many years before I achieved it. When we commit to living a life aligned with our values, really commit, there is a journey of self transformation that happens.

Here is what happens (if you like it or not )

• you begin on a path of self exploration and self discovery

• you must first get your personal needs met (needs in this context is simply put, the things you require on a regular basis in order to do your best work and feel good about yourself.)

• You must be open to healing any unhealed emotional wounds

• You must become comfortable with the concept of “selfishness before success”

I will explore the above topics in future articles but for now I encourage you to give yourself the gift of beginning to discover your values. Begin this journey now – give yourself and those around you the gift of a more joyful and satisfying life.

Coaches request:

As you go through the next month, think about how you would complete this sentence:

“If I had plenty of free time and all the money I could ever want, then I would be free to (action)_and that would let me experience more _(value)_.

Do this exercise over and over to help you identify the aspects of your life that you value most. Keep track of your answers… they’re the roadmap to your life!

As I mentioned at the beginning of this article, nowadays we have the great fortune of stepping beyond living a life that meets our basic needs to living a life of extraordinary satisfaction and fulfillment – my question to you…Do you dare to?

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Welcome to 2010. I trust you had a relaxing, fulfilling holiday season. 

I love the holiday season (ok any holiday), as I have a chance to really indulge in two of my favourite things: 

Firstly, spending a lot of time with people who are close to me. This year, we split our holiday time between being with family and friends in Vancouver and venturing to the Okanagan for New Year’s to spend time with extended family. The Okanagan was an extra treat, as you will see in the picture they get snow, something we rarely see here in Vancouver, B.C. Being raised out East, it just seems wrong not to have snow during the festive season. 

Secondly, letting go of any ‘to-do’ list and snuggling in bed with a fluffy comforter and reading a good book. Every year I buy books for my clients as a “Happy New Year” gift. I take time and go to my local book store and spend hours looking at books and waiting for the perfect book to jump out at me for each client.  Many times I leave with a handful of books for me! 

I love when I come across a book that grabs my attention and I complete it in one sitting. Sometimes the main message is perfect with where I am in my life, or the story is so engaging that I cannot put it down. This holiday, I hit the jack pot and started reading three books that I could not put down.  Each one touched me in a special way and I thought I would share some highlights with you. 

Me to We – turning self help on its head. (Love the title!) by Craig Kielburger and Marc Kielberger.  Two young bucks that started a movement called Me to We and have contributed more in their early twenties then most of us will in a lifetime. I actually bought this book for a client and ended up getting a copy for myself. I was especially inspired about this topic at this time in my life, as I will be launching a new coaching program with a colleague this year called Triple M Mastermind: Mind, Money and Life of Meaning.  I will be blogging about Life of Meaning and the message in this book in future but for now, here is the bottom line message - want to be happy? Be of service. Simple but powerful. 

Cult, a love story: Ten years Inside a Canadian Cult and the Subsequent Long Road of Recovery, by Alexandra Amor. Alexandra is a good friend of mine and member of our past Author Circle (our Author Circle was a group of women that came together monthly to support each other in our writing aspirations, but as you may well know when a group of women get together so much more happens – future blog topics ). With every page I read, I was in awe with Alexandra’s experience of being in a cult, her authenticity and vulnerability kept me wanting to learn more. If you have been involved with a cult or not, you will experience a chance to heal and gain more insight on the dynamics of manipulation and control.  Thank you Alexandra for sharing more of you and a message that will touch many. You can find out more about Alexandra’s story or purchase her book at http://cultalovestory.com. 

The Art of Extreme Self Care, by Cheryl Richardson. Cheryl Richardson has been a mentor from a far, since I decided to become a coach. Self care is some of the foundational principals I share with my clients. Cheryl always brings a new perspective and insight to the importance and benefits of the practice of self care. This book will give you a tune up on how to ensure you are looking after yourself when committed to helping others. 

I would love to hear from you on what some of your favourite books were that you read in 2009? How did they make a difference for you? 

Wishing you all the success and joy your heart desires this year! Be sure to read my future blogs on how to make 2010 your best year yet!

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On November 6th as I was out doing some errands, I had to shake my head as it dawned on me that in the background was Christmas music. I swear each year the Christmas season starts earlier and earlier. After my first reaction “is this not a little early”? I immediately had a smile on my face as the Christmas seasons highlights some of my most important values: sharing and connection.

During this time of year, we’re all focused on rituals for the holidays. Decorations are the momentos we bring out every year to set our holiday spirit. Many people have rituals such as going to see the Christmas lights, a Christmas play or children’s recitals. Rituals play a key role in our lives, especially during the holiday season.

This year, I recommend you add another ritual: take some time to close out 2009 and open the door to 2010. If you have been part of my community in the past you know that a year has not passed where I do not encourage this ritual.

In our fast-paced lives, as we begin to approach a new year we have a tendency to start thinking about “what’s next” long before we wrap up what we’re currently working on. While this can be a strategic way to keep things moving, it can also rob us of the opportunity to reap the full rewards of the journey we’ve been on. There is great richness and depth to be found when you take time to really look at your recent experiences.

Some of the greatest gifts we can give others are the “gift of time” and the “gift of acknowledgement”.

What if this holiday season you gave yourself the above gifts? What if you set a special date with yourself to reflect, acknowledge and celebrate all that 2009 brought to your life?

Take time to look back and see how far you’ve come. Honor the progress you’ve made in 2009, the goals you met, even the challenges you encountered along the way, and sift through it all to find the lessons learned. These bits and pieces can add up to tremendous realizations that will help you launch into the year to come.

Acknowledging yourself and appreciating your growth process is a core component of enjoying life. Stepping back helps us see the bigger picture and maintain perspective on what we want, where we’re going, and how we want to get there.

Grab your journal, a friend, or your partner and take some time to consider these questions to guide you in reviewing the previous year and setting yourself up for a spectacular 2010.

What were your greatest successes?

• Think of the most important areas of your life what are you most proud of or what have you accomplished in each area?
• Did you meet or exceed your financial goals?
• Did you accomplish a near impossible work project?
• Did you take a vacation to a country you had always wanted to visit?

Remember to celebrate! What will you do in the next 30 days to acknowledge your successes?

How have you evolved? Who have you become?

• Are you more loving?
• More patient?
• Were you more courageous, adventuress, in 2009?

Coaches tip: Who we become is much more powerful than what we accomplish…

What are you most grateful for in 2009?

This time of year is a great time to count our blessings and be thankful for what we have in our life. What is on your gratitude list?

What were the five most important lessons you learned this year? 

What do you know now that you didn’t know as you entered 2009? These lessons can be the result of good or bad things happening. Use your “lessons learned” to accentuate the positive and avoid the negative as you focus on 2010.

What important things do you want to accomplish or change about your life during 2010?

Take sometime to brainstorm – write whatever comes to mind. Then prioritize.

What items on your list could be accomplished more easily with the help of other people? 

Identify three people who can help you with each accomplishment or the changes you’d like to make. Write down their names along with a deadline to contact them. Know very precisely how you would like them to help you. Enlisting the help of others can be a powerful way to make things happen. You do not have to do it alone!

Who are the people in your life that have made the biggest difference to you this past year? 

Make a list of who has played a pivotal role in your life. How could you show them your appreciation? A few years ago, as a gift to the people closest to me I gave them a list of 25 reasons (25 days of Christmas) why I loved and appreciated them. A gift from the heart goes a long way………….

Ask yourself, honestly, what could you do that would bring more joy into your daily life and what do you need to do to get that started?

Make a list and keep it where you will be reminded daily of how you can bring more joy in to your life. Remember the simplest things in life can bring us the most joy.

May you have a joyous and fulfilling holiday Season.

Warmly, Teresia

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As I stated in my post Sometimes Even Real Men Need Help, I say hogwash to the stereo type that a man who shows vulnerability is weak – I say the opposite vulnerability is power.  

It’s time to get honest with how you experience your life.  It’s time to live a life you love.  By doing this you will increase your sense of self worth, masculinity and inner fulfillment.

Real men do get help to work out their problems, and improve their lives as shown in this testimonial from a male client of mine.

 Hi Teresia ,

The day we had our initial meeting I knew this would be a very special experience. You demonstrated substantial clarity, great intuition and high emotional intelligence. During our coaching I learned a lot about myself and I became a much better person by understanding the importance of integrity.

I believe the most important benefit of coaching is to allow a coach to bring out the best in the client and you certainly have extraordinary talent and passion to do just that. The honesty that was such an essential part of our sessions had great value for me and it was very easy for me to trust you and open up.

The most important result of our coaching was to materialize my belief in myself. There is a huge difference between saying ³I believe I can do this² and actually believing it. It is a process that happened many times and I never quite understood the mechanics of it. But it is an incredible feeling when you realize you are there !

Thank you so much for being such an important part of my new life.

Thomas Ziegler

Managing Director On Alarm Promotion and Dismanic, Inc.

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On a recent, rainy Saturday afternoon, as I was lounging around ( going back and forth between the  guilt of still being in my pjs at 1:00 p.m. and  relishing in doing absolutely nothing) and I came across an article in the Vancouver Sun that jumped out at me:  “Real men sometimes need help”.

This article caught my eye because over the last 13 yrs of being a coach, some of my most memorable and impactful coaching relationships have been with what I call “alpha men” (strong successful, ambitious men) who have had the courage and insight to ask for help. Despite their great accomplishments, professionally, and financially, on some level they were not fulfilled. I was happy to see this article as it has become clear to me over the years that one of the hardest things for a man to do is admit that emotionally he may need some extra guidance. 

I remember vividly when I was working closely with a fellow coach, who had a similar business model and earned the same income yearly.  He was about 3 yrs younger than me, he had just gotten married, bought a house and his wife was about to have a baby. I remember thinking oh my gosh all the financial responsibility he has.  I could not imagine at that time having that financial responsibility with the income I was making. I am almost certain that every man must feel the pressure and responsibility of not only wanting to be successful professionally but also providing for their family, (if they are the main provider or not) and guess what, most of them do not talk about it! The article in the paper mentions the “mancession”;  our present economic downturn is hitting North America and European male workers far harder then female employers. So not only do men carry a lot of financial responsibility but now there is the additional stress of our present economic state.

If you are like many men your natural default is to suppress your emotions and get into action. Think about it: what is the first thing women do when they have a problem? Usually we ask ourselves “who can I talk to about this?”  This allows us to talk through the problem, identify and share all the emotions we are feeling. When a man has a problem his first response is “how can I fix it”? Focusing on fixing it is a powerful step but jumping right into “fix it” mode negates all the feelings that go with it.  Now I am not saying that men need to start spending all their time talking about their feelings BUT I am saying that it is critical to not hold them in.

It is Ok to admit that sometimes you may need a listening ear.

I say hogwash to the stereo type that a man who shows vulnerability is weak – I say the opposite – vulnerability is power. As a coach, I have gotten an inside look at the negative impact that happens when we suppress our emotions. We manifest such things as addictions, loneliness, dysfunctional relationships and poor health.

To increase your sense of self worth, masculinity and inner fulfillment, get honest with how you experience life.  In times of emotional chaos find an objective ear.

At the end of the day I think it is fair to say real men get help to work out their problems.

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Welcome to my new blog. I look forward to partnering with you to create a life you love.

To join our Empowering and Result-Oriented community click here and receive a complimentary copy of the Quality of Life Assessment.

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