Teresia's Blog

Last week I facilitated a conference call for the MOMentum organization founded by Lucila McElory on living your life aligned with your values.

Many of you know how passionate I am about designing your life around your true values. When we live a life according to what is most important to us (our values) we become very happy people.  My hubby and I both agree that the true purpose of life is to live a happy one, when we are happy we have so much more to give to those around us, and when we have an abundance to give, we naturally live our life on purpose.

OK that is our philosophy and we are sticking to it – at least in this moment

During the conference call with the MOMentum moms, I shared the distinction between means vs ends values. There were a lot of questions.  It inspired me to share a little more of that conversation.

Often, when I ask someone “what is most important to you in your life?” (a great question to uncover values) they will say things like family, having a beautiful home, my career, traveling, my marriage.  These are examples of means values – means values are vehicles that allow us to have an experience. Ends Values are the “experiences”.

For example, all your life you dreamed of being an entrepreneur – having a career where you were your own boss, working from home.  You achieved that goal but still do not feel fulfilled.  Why? Owning a business is a vehicle to something that is more important to you. The ends value (the experience) you may be looking for is “freedom”,  “independence.”  Until you are clear of the purpose of your goal it is a crap shoot if your goal will bring you satisfaction.

Another example, if your goal is to be married (means value) it may be a the vehicle  to experience sharing, connection.  You find yourself married, but unhappy, there is no connection and very little sharing.  Being aware of the ends value, we can consciously design our relationship to experience those values.

A client once said to me “Teresia, success looks the way I thought it would look but it does not feel the way I thought it would feel.” Unfortunately I know many people who can relate to her statement.  Guess what became the focus of our work together?  Clarifying and designing her life around her values.

Living your life around your values does not happen over night and there may be a lot of tough decisions and actions to take along the way, but what many of my clients would tell you it is worth every step.  It is our birthright to live a life we love!

Give yourself one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself, the gift that keeps on giving, take the time to discover and design your life around your true values.  Accelerate the process by purchasing  my self coaching guide on A New Approach to Goal Setting.

Click here to find out more.

A New Approach to Goal Setting

Listen to a recording of the MOMentum Conference call:

(20 minutes)

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Last night I went to my good friend and colleague, Cheryl Cran’s  book launch.  I met Cheryl when she and I first started our  businesses – 15 years ago.  During this time she has written 4 books! Her latest “101 Ways to Make Generations X, Y and Zoomers Happy at Work.” Cheryl’s business is keynote speaking.  Being the past President of the Canadian Association for Public Speakers, she has been a leader and a strong role model for up and coming speakers.  Over the years many of my clients and fellow colleagues have had the dream of becoming authors.  I have been intrigued of the process of writing, publishing and marketing a book as well.

I pulled the star of the night aside and asked “what would you recommend to new authors who are considering having a book launch?”

Here is what she said: do not expect your book launch to a profitable event, it is not about selling your books. A book launch is a time to celebrate the success of completing your book, your excitement of sharing the message with others, acknowledging your support team, and officially claiming that you are an expert in your field.  In addition, a book launch is a great time to invite and connect with some of your key centers of influence, individuals who will be great “raving fans” , potential clients and any media contacts you may have”.

I left the event inspired by Cheryl’s accomplishments and the great networking that took place.  I was happy to witness that even though Cheryl’s outcome was not to make a profit a lot books left in the hands of guests.

When your book is published – treat yourself,  throw a book launch and relish in the celebration of your accomplishment!

To purchase Cheryl book visit http://www.101waystomakegenerationsxyandzoomershappyatwork.com/

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I am writing my article for the upcoming Coach’s Corner In the Province to be published on June 13^th and I wanted to share this concept with you.  

As an entrepreneur you automatically default to being a leader. Strong leaders always uphold high standards – for themselves and everyone around them.  Why?  Because more often than not, the higher your standards, the better the results.  Clear, well communicated standards are a shortcut to an easier, more focused, less-hassled life.

Personal standards refer to the behaviour and actions that you hold yourself to – how you choose to ’show up’ in life.  For example, we have standards around finances (’I always pay my bills on time’), the way we relate to each other (manners, physical space, etc.), and just about everything else.  Professional standards serve as an unspoken understanding of what behaviour is acceptable and expected.

When standards are too low, people waste a lot of time and energy.  Morale sinks.  People walk all over each other.  Expectations slip and results slide.  A lot of tolerating (and managing) goes on!

Where do you need to raise your standards?  Watch for ongoing tolerations, frustrations, or places that feel out of integrity.  These are red flags for low standards.

Consider the main areas of your business such as sales and marketing, customer service, finances, and identify where clearly communicated standards would make a difference.

• For example:  Customer Service
• Higher Standard: Customers always comes first: return all calls within 24 hours.

Once you’ve identified which standards to raise, document and share them with your employees.  When everyone understands the ground rules, there will be a lot less refereeing to do and great results to be experienced.

Be sure to check out this Sunday’s Province and read the Coaches Corner. Better yet make it a regular Sunday routine and catch the coaches corner each week!

Have you downloaded our complimentary Quality of Life Assessment? Visit www.teresia.com to get your copy.  Take a closer look at your life and where you may benefit by raising your standards.  Take your life to the next level one step at a time.

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There are very few events that truly celebrate and empower the Magnificence of Women, but the Woman of Worth WOW Conference is one of them.  I was honoured to be a keynote speaker at a past WOW event and have attended many events since then and I’d like to invite you to join me this year on May 29th at  the Fairmont Hotel Vancouver.
 
See below, you can still purchase a ticket at a special rate.
 
Imagine the possibilities when you join with 800 empowered women and ignite your body, mind and spirit on every level for an entire day of world-class speakers, entertainment, food, fun, laughter, gifts, prizes, meaningful connections, celebration and … chocolate!
 
Just thinking about it fills me up. I always leave inspired, reenergized and tapped back into the possibilities of my life.
 
This year’s WOW is being MC’d by Kathy Kovacs, news anchor and media personality recently with CTV, and the event also includes a Prosperity Panel facilitated by television producer Candace Newton.  The panel is a dynamic and authentic conversation with a group of highly successful women who are living a life they love.  They face their own challenges, doubts and fears like everyone else, so what are these leaders believing, thinking and doing that allows them to shine?  How do they cope with a bad day?  How have they handled a challenged economy?  How do they make time for a LIFE?  You have the rare opportunity to ask them at WOW.
 
My friend, colleague and former coach, Brita McLaughlin, was honored a few weeks ago by being nominated and named a finalist for the 2010 Woman of Worth Award in the category of Leader of the Year.  Brita has extended an open invitation to me and my circle of women to join one of her “Women with Heart” Tables  (a group of fabulous women with great big hearts) Contact Brita at info@britamclaughlincoaching.com by Friday May 14th and quote ‘Teresia’ as your referral and she’ll add your name to one of the Women with Heart tables of 10 at a special group rate of $143/seat.  (Pssst- Right now the general admission advance price is $189 on the website, full price is $239, so Brita’s price of $143 for reserved seating is a STEAL) 
 
 
It’s THE event of the year for women
http://www.thewowevent.com
 
 
WOW Vancouver 2010
 
The 6th annual Woman Of Worth Conference
 
May 29th at the Fairmont Hotel Vancouver
 
 
Set your soul on fire.
 
 
Get WOWED.
 
 
I look forward to seeing you there!

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I have the pleasure of writing for the Vancouver Province paper in the Business section once a month, where I have the opportunity to address some questions and concerns that entrepreneurs have.

Here is how I answered the question I received about what traits are necessary to become a successful entrepreneur.

 The question and answer appeared in my latest Vancouver Province  feature on May 2.

I would love to hear your feedback.

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Know Your Values and Priorities

Sometimes, ambitious people need to slow the pace and harness their need to achieve in order to embrace other aspects of life. Like it or not, that’s called balance – and I think my pregnancy enrolled me in an advanced course at the School of Balancing Priorities.

More often than not, priorities come down to values. Because I strongly value family ( sharing and connection), it’s easier to set aside my professional ambitions (for the first time in my adult life – eek!). Because I value time with our child, it will be easier to close the office door.

Our values are a touchstone, a source of comfort and guidance that we can relax into and trust to steer us toward the life we really want. The more intense life gets, the more important they become.

When we are clear of our values it is easier to make decisions. We know what is important – we then say yes to what is important and no to the “shoulds” in our life.

What are your values? Discovering your values is a process. Check out our self coaching ebook on discovering and designing your life around your values.

A New Approach to Goal Setting

With all that said, the fact remains: Mompreneurs live on the fast track, and it’s going to take some time to adjust to a new pace. With knowing my values I am sure making the transition from entrepreneur to Mompreneur could be my biggest challenge yet… but I’m ready for it!

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I don’t know about you but I have been inspired by the 2010 Olympics.  It doesn’t hurt that I live in the city that hosted them; Canada had a story book finish with Canada winning hockey gold and scoring Olympic record of 14 gold medals.

To top it all off I was at the closing ceremonies. It also brings back many great memories of my competitive years as a figure skater. But it goes deeper then that. The Olympics uncover some key factors that are important for success in any area of our life. 

On a social level the Olympics highlights the power of “we”.

Nelson Mandela once said “politics divides, sports unite”.  Sports encourage leadership, the development of social skills, learning how to manage a stressful situation; most importantly teaching that personal sacrifices in service of the group often brings greater rewards than simple self interest.  Whether you are involved in a sport personally, or an outside supporter, there is an experience of “we” that is available to all of us. As an entrepreneur, an individual committed to living their best life, there is an experience of we that is available to all of us.

I have heard from many who have watched the athletes step up to their long desired dream of competing in the Olympics, that it has brought tears to their eyes. We are reminded of what is possible in our own life. The Olympics remind us of the rewards of courage, self-discipline and belief in oneself.

I know any success that I have experienced in my life and my clients have experienced in theirs, that these qualities were present. They are worth exploring further.

Courage: I once heard courage is feeling the fear and doing it anyways – how true!
Courage is needed when you have a sense of what you hope to achieve but there is no guarantee – in other words there is a level of risk involved. Acting in spite of the risk often brings up less than uncomfortable feelings, feelings such as fear, self doubt, uncertainty, and discomfort. So what drives one to act in spite of the feelings? Simply put—values. When you have a strong belief about the right thing to do, or what is important to you, you’re often compelled to act. At the end of the day the question is: are you letting your fear guide you or your desire to act on what is most important to you?

Living a life where you are consistently stretching out of your comfort zone and accessing your inner courage, not only builds self esteem but is the path of living our best life.

Self-discipline:
Most people don’t associate discipline with happiness, but did you know the most joy you’ll ever know comes from areas where you are self-disciplined? People who have significant and successful careers can often point back to a time that required much effort and self-discipline. They often say it was worth every ounce of effort. Becoming self-disciplined is never easy in the beginning, but once you overcome a barrier and make a decision to become disciplined, it gets easier. I often tell my clients self discipline is doing the things you don’t necessarily want to do, but you know by doing them, they will help you get the results you want. I support my clients in designing their life around doing what they love and what they are good at – when we do this the amount of self discipline is minimal AND to really live a life we love there will always be areas where we need to embrace the act of self-discipline. Simple put self-discipline is about the ability to reject immediate satisfaction, in order to gain something better, but requires effort and time. Decide today where in your life you would benefit greatly if you were to become more self-disciplined. Where do you want more or better results? Start today by saying “no” to immediate satisfaction and start implementing that extra effort to create more of what you really want in your life.

Belief in oneself:
We have all heard it at one time in our lives “you have to believe in yourself.” Believing in oneself is one of the first steps to success. If you don’t have confidence in yourself, it will be difficult to succeed in anything. Every day all of us face challenges, some small, small big, it is how we respond to it them that makes the difference. Whatever your goal or dream, hold onto the vision, and take one step at a time. When you feel the fear and act anyway (courage), and make self-discipline a part of your life, this builds the muscle of belief in yourself.

My question to you: have you set your life up in a way that daily you are accessing your inner courage? Are you living a life that requires self-discipline and faith in oneself daily?

Success and a fulfilling life require the attitude and commitment of an athlete.

What area in your life is it time to go for gold?

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“Man is what he believes.” – Anton Chekhov

 Ask yourself what do you really want in your life? Are you achieving it? If not, there is a good chance that there is a limiting belief  in your subconscious that is holding you back.

Beliefs are feelings of certainty and there are two kinds of beliefs, limiting and empowering. Limiting beliefs are feelings that hold us back from creating the results we want in our life. Empowering beliefs are feelings that support us in moving forward to create the results we want in our life. Many times our beliefs are unconscious. When we become conscious of them, especially our limiting beliefs, that is when change begins to happen.

For example: I have a very successful client whose priority at this time is to share his life and success with a life partner.

Challenge: the women he decides he would like to be with, are unavailable in some way, either they are just ending a relationship, are in a committed relationship or are simply not emotionally available for various reasons.  After much soul searching, and allowing me to ask him the tough questions, he discovered there is an underlying belief that he is not desirable. With this belief he will continue to create experiences in his life to support his belief.  On an unconscious level, he gets to say, “See I am right I am not desirable”.  

Most times we are not always aware of the beliefs that drive us, having the courage to dig deep and become aware is a huge first step. With his new found awareness of his limiting belief he is able to make conscious choices that will create new references that will help him attract what he really wants in his life.

 Think of beliefs like a table. A belief is a feeling of certainty – like the top of a table. We have the legs (references) to support that belief. Once we have awareness of our limiting beliefs we can then come up with a new belief, an empowering belief – one that will support us in creating what we want.

Take my clients limiting belief
 ”I am not desirable”

The opposite of that belief could be
 “I have a lot to offer a partner and deserve the reciprocity of love”

 When we first come up with an empowering belief, we may own it intellectually but not truly on an emotional level. We must then act on the new belief and create references so that it becomes a part of who we are. The power of a belief is that we own it on an emotional level, that it becomes the table top – a feeling of certainty.

Again look at what you want in your life. If you don’t have it, start digging.   What is the limiting belief holding you back?  

Remember awareness is not only the first step, but a big one!

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This month I have been posting alot of blogs on creating what you want for 2010. January is a natural time to set some goals and intentions for the year.

Setting our goals based on our true values is one sure fire way to ensure success. If you want to find out more on how to set valued based goals check out my ebook on a New Approach to Goal Setting.

Yesterday in a session with one of my long term clients we were exploring what he really wants for 2010, already clear of his true values; it was a natural next step to get clear on his “theme” for 2010.  A theme is the overall guiding focus for your year. What is the number one thing that if you were to focus on it, it would support all the other goals you have for yourself? Some examples of themes are: Selfishness before success; Self care because I am worth it; Generosity guides my life experience; Great health, more energy; Ideal clients now; Increase profits, less effort.

Create a theme that inspires and drives your choices and actions for the year! Post it everywhere!

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“Values are you; wants are what you enjoy having. Values fulfill you; wants provide gratification”

~ Thomas Leonard, my late mentor and pioneer of the coaching profession

I love this time of year because I get to share my thoughts on one of my favourite topics of conversations – living a life you love! For most people, January is a month we think about goal setting or new resolutions. Luckily, in these times, we have the great fortune of stepping beyond living a life that meets our basic needs to living a life of extraordinary satisfaction and fulfillment – if we dare to. The resources, opportunities and access to a life coach give no room for excuses to live in the place of “life sucks”.

One of the most important things about life is to know what is most important to you.

When I first became a coach 14 years ago, I was all about goal setting. I would share with my clients “Goal setting is the key to creating what you want in your life; you must be clear of your goals and write them down”. Through my personal journey of consciously creating a life I love and supporting thousands of individuals to do the same, I have discovered that yes, goal setting is important, BUT fruitless unless those goals are set on a foundation of your true values.

To live a life you love and achieve what your heart desires you must first be clear on your values. Let me explain what I mean by that:

Values are the things you do that you find very attractive, an emotional state that you feel is very important. When engaged in these activities you feel most like yourself: in touch with whom you are, glowing, and life is effortless. Values are the essence of who you are.

While we like these things, most of us lead lives, which do not grant us the chance to just do these things. Most people set goals based on ‘have to’, ‘should’ and ‘needs’ and are generally too busy with “responsibilities” or incompletions to pursue the life they truly desire.

Your values are the intangible aspects of life that make you feel in alignment, complete, on track, and functioning at a high level. Examples include adventure, fun, service, creativity, connection, and hundreds more. A life that aligns with one’s core values will feel satisfying, even in difficult times.

When one of my best friends passed away (just after she got married and gave birth to beautiful twins girls), I felt deep sadness and very much immersed in my grief. The loss of what I experienced as a “soulful” friend and the thought of those precious little girls not being raised by their mom was to say the least, very overwhelming.

A few months later I recall sharing with my mastermind team and being in total awe and curiosity around how can I feel this deep sadness but still access feelings of happiness? In the past when I experienced difficult times the negative feelings would dominate my life.

This realization of my new way of being became part of my self analysis for many weeks. I would ask myself how can I be tearful daily, experience this immense grief and still feel a sense of peace and contentment? Perhaps it is that I have a strong spiritual belief system, maybe because I have cultivated supportive relationships in my life? Yes, these were all true but what I realized was at the core, the glue of my satisfaction and contentment was that I have created a life that was aligned with what was most important to me: my values. (Spirituality and strong supportive authentic connections are a couple examples of my values). Living a life that was deeply fulfilling was a huge part in my ability to still function and find the strength in myself to be able to step out of myself and be there for the dad and the twins in the best way I knew how. My personal foundation of a life aligned with my values allowed me to access my inner strength and receive and give the support during this trying time.

When we live a life aligned with our values there are many gifts to be experienced:

• our cup is full and we have so much more to give others

• we live our life from a place of “attraction” vs. force. We begin to attract like minded individuals and opportunities in our life

• we do not spend as much time on making decisions – when you are clear of your values it is easy to decide the next best step

• we create results in our life with less effort

• we live from a place of joy and gratitude

• when challenges come our way – we can still be happy. (Have you ever met someone who just got fired from their job, going through a divorce, or experiencing a health challenge and they still exude joy. Now that is living a successful life.)

When we consciously design our life aligned with our values, life gets immeasurably richer – and easier.

OK, have I enrolled you in living a life aligned with your values? So how do we do that? First you have to get clear on what your values are. Gaining clarity of your values and designing your life around them is a process.

It does not happen over night. I first heard about the concept of values in 1995 when I had my first stint with the Anthony Robbins group and even though I was eager to live life at this new level of passion of fulfillment, it took me many years before I achieved it. When we commit to living a life aligned with our values, really commit, there is a journey of self transformation that happens.

Here is what happens (if you like it or not )

• you begin on a path of self exploration and self discovery

• you must first get your personal needs met (needs in this context is simply put, the things you require on a regular basis in order to do your best work and feel good about yourself.)

• You must be open to healing any unhealed emotional wounds

• You must become comfortable with the concept of “selfishness before success”

I will explore the above topics in future articles but for now I encourage you to give yourself the gift of beginning to discover your values. Begin this journey now – give yourself and those around you the gift of a more joyful and satisfying life.

Coaches request:

As you go through the next month, think about how you would complete this sentence:

“If I had plenty of free time and all the money I could ever want, then I would be free to (action)_and that would let me experience more _(value)_.

Do this exercise over and over to help you identify the aspects of your life that you value most. Keep track of your answers… they’re the roadmap to your life!

As I mentioned at the beginning of this article, nowadays we have the great fortune of stepping beyond living a life that meets our basic needs to living a life of extraordinary satisfaction and fulfillment – my question to you…Do you dare to?

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