Teresia's Blog

“Values are you; wants are what you enjoy having. Values fulfill you; wants provide gratification”

~ Thomas Leonard, my late mentor and pioneer of the coaching profession

I love this time of year because I get to share my thoughts on one of my favourite topics of conversations – living a life you love! For most people, January is a month we think about goal setting or new resolutions. Luckily, in these times, we have the great fortune of stepping beyond living a life that meets our basic needs to living a life of extraordinary satisfaction and fulfillment – if we dare to. The resources, opportunities and access to a life coach give no room for excuses to live in the place of “life sucks”.

One of the most important things about life is to know what is most important to you.

When I first became a coach 14 years ago, I was all about goal setting. I would share with my clients “Goal setting is the key to creating what you want in your life; you must be clear of your goals and write them down”. Through my personal journey of consciously creating a life I love and supporting thousands of individuals to do the same, I have discovered that yes, goal setting is important, BUT fruitless unless those goals are set on a foundation of your true values.

To live a life you love and achieve what your heart desires you must first be clear on your values. Let me explain what I mean by that:

Values are the things you do that you find very attractive, an emotional state that you feel is very important. When engaged in these activities you feel most like yourself: in touch with whom you are, glowing, and life is effortless. Values are the essence of who you are.

While we like these things, most of us lead lives, which do not grant us the chance to just do these things. Most people set goals based on ‘have to’, ‘should’ and ‘needs’ and are generally too busy with “responsibilities” or incompletions to pursue the life they truly desire.

Your values are the intangible aspects of life that make you feel in alignment, complete, on track, and functioning at a high level. Examples include adventure, fun, service, creativity, connection, and hundreds more. A life that aligns with one’s core values will feel satisfying, even in difficult times.

When one of my best friends passed away (just after she got married and gave birth to beautiful twins girls), I felt deep sadness and very much immersed in my grief. The loss of what I experienced as a “soulful” friend and the thought of those precious little girls not being raised by their mom was to say the least, very overwhelming.

A few months later I recall sharing with my mastermind team and being in total awe and curiosity around how can I feel this deep sadness but still access feelings of happiness? In the past when I experienced difficult times the negative feelings would dominate my life.

This realization of my new way of being became part of my self analysis for many weeks. I would ask myself how can I be tearful daily, experience this immense grief and still feel a sense of peace and contentment? Perhaps it is that I have a strong spiritual belief system, maybe because I have cultivated supportive relationships in my life? Yes, these were all true but what I realized was at the core, the glue of my satisfaction and contentment was that I have created a life that was aligned with what was most important to me: my values. (Spirituality and strong supportive authentic connections are a couple examples of my values). Living a life that was deeply fulfilling was a huge part in my ability to still function and find the strength in myself to be able to step out of myself and be there for the dad and the twins in the best way I knew how. My personal foundation of a life aligned with my values allowed me to access my inner strength and receive and give the support during this trying time.

When we live a life aligned with our values there are many gifts to be experienced:

• our cup is full and we have so much more to give others

• we live our life from a place of “attraction” vs. force. We begin to attract like minded individuals and opportunities in our life

• we do not spend as much time on making decisions – when you are clear of your values it is easy to decide the next best step

• we create results in our life with less effort

• we live from a place of joy and gratitude

• when challenges come our way – we can still be happy. (Have you ever met someone who just got fired from their job, going through a divorce, or experiencing a health challenge and they still exude joy. Now that is living a successful life.)

When we consciously design our life aligned with our values, life gets immeasurably richer – and easier.

OK, have I enrolled you in living a life aligned with your values? So how do we do that? First you have to get clear on what your values are. Gaining clarity of your values and designing your life around them is a process.

It does not happen over night. I first heard about the concept of values in 1995 when I had my first stint with the Anthony Robbins group and even though I was eager to live life at this new level of passion of fulfillment, it took me many years before I achieved it. When we commit to living a life aligned with our values, really commit, there is a journey of self transformation that happens.

Here is what happens (if you like it or not )

• you begin on a path of self exploration and self discovery

• you must first get your personal needs met (needs in this context is simply put, the things you require on a regular basis in order to do your best work and feel good about yourself.)

• You must be open to healing any unhealed emotional wounds

• You must become comfortable with the concept of “selfishness before success”

I will explore the above topics in future articles but for now I encourage you to give yourself the gift of beginning to discover your values. Begin this journey now – give yourself and those around you the gift of a more joyful and satisfying life.

Coaches request:

As you go through the next month, think about how you would complete this sentence:

“If I had plenty of free time and all the money I could ever want, then I would be free to (action)_and that would let me experience more _(value)_.

Do this exercise over and over to help you identify the aspects of your life that you value most. Keep track of your answers… they’re the roadmap to your life!

As I mentioned at the beginning of this article, nowadays we have the great fortune of stepping beyond living a life that meets our basic needs to living a life of extraordinary satisfaction and fulfillment – my question to you…Do you dare to?