26 Nov
Sometimes Even Real Men Need Help
On a recent, rainy Saturday afternoon, as I was lounging around ( going back and forth between the guilt of still being in my pjs at 1:00 p.m. and relishing in doing absolutely nothing) and I came across an article in the Vancouver Sun that jumped out at me: “Real men sometimes need help”.
This article caught my eye because over the last 13 yrs of being a coach, some of my most memorable and impactful coaching relationships have been with what I call “alpha men” (strong successful, ambitious men) who have had the courage and insight to ask for help. Despite their great accomplishments, professionally, and financially, on some level they were not fulfilled. I was happy to see this article as it has become clear to me over the years that one of the hardest things for a man to do is admit that emotionally he may need some extra guidance.
I remember vividly when I was working closely with a fellow coach, who had a similar business model and earned the same income yearly. He was about 3 yrs younger than me, he had just gotten married, bought a house and his wife was about to have a baby. I remember thinking oh my gosh all the financial responsibility he has. I could not imagine at that time having that financial responsibility with the income I was making. I am almost certain that every man must feel the pressure and responsibility of not only wanting to be successful professionally but also providing for their family, (if they are the main provider or not) and guess what, most of them do not talk about it! The article in the paper mentions the “mancession”; our present economic downturn is hitting North America and European male workers far harder then female employers. So not only do men carry a lot of financial responsibility but now there is the additional stress of our present economic state.
If you are like many men your natural default is to suppress your emotions and get into action. Think about it: what is the first thing women do when they have a problem? Usually we ask ourselves “who can I talk to about this?” This allows us to talk through the problem, identify and share all the emotions we are feeling. When a man has a problem his first response is “how can I fix it”? Focusing on fixing it is a powerful step but jumping right into “fix it” mode negates all the feelings that go with it. Now I am not saying that men need to start spending all their time talking about their feelings BUT I am saying that it is critical to not hold them in.
It is Ok to admit that sometimes you may need a listening ear.
I say hogwash to the stereo type that a man who shows vulnerability is weak – I say the opposite – vulnerability is power. As a coach, I have gotten an inside look at the negative impact that happens when we suppress our emotions. We manifest such things as addictions, loneliness, dysfunctional relationships and poor health.
To increase your sense of self worth, masculinity and inner fulfillment, get honest with how you experience life. In times of emotional chaos find an objective ear.
At the end of the day I think it is fair to say real men get help to work out their problems.
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